Groceries

I have a rule: He who complains about how the job gets done gets the job. My mother used to insist that towels be folded neatly into perfectly creased thirds, then in half, then hung evenly over a towel rack. I’m happy if the kids pitch in and the towels are folded neatly enough I can stack them on a shelf in the closet. Speaking of haphazard towel storage, who builds a house without a linen closet?

My husband once complained about how much money I spent at the grocery store, and got that job for the next twenty years or so. This is how he envisions me at Kroger’s, I’m sure:

 

To be fair, he’s not that far from the truth.

But you should see me at Costco. I’m the one curled up in the fetal position behind the paper cups. It takes 23 minutes just to park, dig out ID, get in the door, float past the tech gadgets like a Central Park pony wearing blinders, nap on the patio furniture, and figure out where the premium cheddar’s hiding this week. Yeah! Who moved my cheese!

Shopping at busy brick and mortar stores is not this introvert’s idea of “fun.” If I didn’t know he’d think it was weird and unsafe, I’d do all my grocery shopping at 1:00 AM. But now, I’ve discovered the unexpected joys of living like a heathen: wake up, Sunday morning, and give thanks for another day. Then, run to Costco while everyone else is in church, remembering to give thanks for the bounty of steelhead trout, lamb chops, artisanal romaine, good cheese, and short lines.

Too bad they’re closed on Easter.

Question: Which is more appropriate to serve on Easter: Rabbit or Lamb?

Maybe chocolate rabbit, jelly bean eggs, Peeps, and New Zealand lamb with fresh asparagus, not necessarily in that order…


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HollyJahangiri

Holly Jahangiri is the author of Trockle; A Puppy, Not a Guppy; Innocents & Demons; and A New Leaf for Lyle. You can find her books on Amazon at http://amazon.com/author/hollyjahangiri. For more information on her children's books, please visit http://jahangiri.us/books.
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6 thoughts on “Groceries”

  1. I’d pit my husband against ANY grocery shopper on the planet, coupons included – and manager’s specials.

    I haven’t been able to do this for a decade, since the botched back surgery, and he is VERY good at it.

    All I have to do is remember to put it on the list – and it magically appears in the storehouse he keeps in the basement.

    He eats most of it, too, so I don’t feel too bad.
    Alicia Butcher Ehrhardt recently posted…Quality independent literary writing must be nourishedMy Profile

    1. My husband’s way better at it than I am – he’ll hand me coupons on my way out, and I can forget to give them to the cashier even if I’m clutching them in my fist at the time. I don’t hate grocery shopping, but I’m not GOOD at it! I hate most other kinds of shopping, though. Like clothes shopping – it’s the one incentive I have to learn how to sew, but so far I’d rather run around in t-shirts and “mom jeans” (I’ve earned that – I AM a mom!)

  2. Well, you know, McDonald’s stays open on Easter Sunday.
    (At least around here.)
    So why worry about eating Rabbit or Lamb?

    SOLUTION:
    2 Big Macs. Two Coffees. Two Salads. One shared large fry. 2 Cones.
    Bon Appetit!
    “Enjoy your meal”.
    No cooking, no clean up!

    Hey! LOOK! I’ve been banned from Texas for Life!
    Wow! Pennsylvania, Hawaii, NY, Massachusetts, and Now Texas.
    I’m Making Progress!

    But seriously, You wanted a simple answer….

      1. Burn…. the… lamb?
        Must cry NOW.
        Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!

        Warning: Pete may be a glutton.

        With poor taste.

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