Breaking “Rule 30”: Blogging About My Sex Life

Second rule to break, and already I’m having second thoughts about this whole blog series. Some things, you just don’t–well, okay, here, hold my beer while I break “Rule 30” and talk about my sex life.

My kids may kill me for this.

I taught my daughter about “the birds and the bees” when she was about seven. I was pregnant with her brother, and naturally, she had questions. By the time she hit puberty, she really did not want to have “the talk.” We were in the car, one day, and I broached the subject – just to keep the lines of communication open. My daughter might argue that she was a captive audience in a moving car and it was just to torture her, but really, it wasn’t. I wanted to be sure she remembered what she’d learned at seven, and to see if she had any questions. No teenaged girl really wants to have a conversation about S-E-X with her mom, but it’s important that parents not shirk their duties in this regard.

She got the basic gist. She stuck her fingers in her ears. We were so not having that conversation. And then the light dawned. “You and Dad?” She whipped her head around and looked at me in horror. “You…and Dad…did it?”

“Well…where did you think you came from?”

“Eww. But you only did it once–er, twice–right?”

“Twice?” This was progress; at least she realized we hadn’t changed our minds and had her brother grown in a hydroponic cabbage patch, to be delivered by the stork.  Out came Evil Mommy. “OH! Oh, no, sweetie – to have two such perfect children as you and your brother, we had to practice. Lots.”


8 thoughts on “Breaking “Rule 30”: Blogging About My Sex Life”

  1. I THINK they know where they came from. I handed the oldest (the big reader) the appropriate book when he was old enough to understand, but not old enough to freak out. I think I’ve had the talk with the other two, too.

    We discuss not mechanics but consequences, and I do as my mother did, telling stories with various endings.

    As far as I know, I have no grandchildren yet.

    1. THAT is exactly the right timing: “old enough to understand, but not old enough to freak out.” I discussed both mechanics AND consequences with both of mine. I’d have preferred NOT to broach the subject with my son, when I did – but the school sent him home with this incredibly STUPID “lifecycle of a chicken” worksheet – here, let me show you just HOW stupid it was: (It wasn’t that exact one, but the stages are the same!) WTF. Where’s dad, and how can you have a meaningful talk about lifecycles of anything other than an amoeba without dad? My son’s 20 and I’m still annoyed at his elementary school for doing that to me when he was just 7 or 8. It’s not like I was pregnant and had to reassure him the creature from Alien wasn’t going to pop out of my tummy while I slept!

      1. That was a hilarious worksheet. Someone doesn’t understand the rooster/hens harem system.

        I think our little movie at the Girl Guides in Mexico over 50 years ago was in that category – noncommittal – but that was the 1960s!

  2. Holly, I loved this. I can picture your daughter plugging up her ears with her fingers. And then, there’s the delayed response to realizing it was Mommy and Daddy. But your response in the end is choice. You just don’t let her off easy! I think she’ll thank you for that one day.

  3. Boy, when you go evil, you do not fool around:
    Out came Evil Mommy. “OH! Oh, no, sweetie – to have two such perfect children as you and your brother, we had to practice. Lots.”

    Did any of these kids survive? LOL!

    1. Yes – they’re both pretty terrific adults, now. They haven’t given me grandchildren, yet, but that’s probably because “The Talk” included “Do not have children to ‘give me grandchildren.’ ONLY have children when you very, very much WANT to have children of your own. When you very much WANT to be parents.” I very much wanted them, and I want my grandchildren, if ever there are any, to know that they, too, were wanted and loved. I think that’s maybe the most important part of “The Talk,” don’t you?

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