Following a discussion on LinkedIN’s group The Blog Zone – Where Bloggers Discuss Blogging, fearless leader Joseph Higginbotham wrote this brilliant, if cynical, article, “How To Get 50,000 Twitter Followers By Mastering Memes.” Bring an umbrella; the sarcasm’s dripping – but if you read between the lines, you’ll see that Higginbotham does not hold back any pearls of wisdom – it’s all there for the taking.
Here’s another “cynical” tip – never pay for followers. Loudly proclaim, in 140 characters or less – much less, if you want it to be retweetable – that you will never buy 10,000 followers for a mere $5! Ask, “Should I buy more Twitter followers? Is $47 unreasonable?” You will then be followed by everyone seeking to sell you something. If you follow back, you’re likely to be added to a list of people who do that sort of thing, and it will naturally increase your popularity among the autobots. There is no need to follow back; after all, you have not bought into their Twitter-follower Ponzi schemes, just playfully tweaked their code’s noses.
All you really need to do, if you want to master this sort of online marketing, is to think with concise creativity. Tweet something like, “$5 for 10K followers? What a cock roach. I’d rather grow mine organically.” See? In less than 140 characters, you’ve locked in the folks whose autobots now think you’re interested in buying followers and, assuming you follow my misspelling cues, you’ve piqued the interest of the kinkier side of Twitter, the organic gardening crowd, pest control vendors, and folks interested in growing their cash crops – and other things – in their sleep. You’ll be a huge hit in California, Washington, Oregon, Colorado, and every assisted living home in the lower 48!
The real upside is that you’ll also pick up a handful of honest-to-goodness followers who’ve noticed you’re human, that you have a sense of humor, and that you’re not afraid to poke fun at the antisocial social media mavens.
Dying for more tips? Just subscribe to my blog and leave a comment or forty-two. You could follow me on Twitter, if you want to – I might follow back, if you promise to be human.
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