Humor

Finngelo III, Silly Interview with a Smartphone 

4 Dec , 2017  

Finngelo is the best. He is a great writer and he is very talented and very knowledgeable about his voice.

Actually, Finngelo is the name of my phone. We’re collaborating on this post using predictive text. Non-italicized text is limited to one key press at the start of the sentence, and a choice of any of the three suggestions at the top of the on-screen keyboard until it makes a sentence. Some sentences have been edited out as too repetitive. Interview questions were added after the answers, as suggested by the results.   I’ll let Finny take lead on the byline for this one.

Finngelo, do inanimate objects question their purpose in life? 

Is there anything else that needs a reason to be? If so, what? What is the name of the place where I am going? 

My pocket. Or were you referring to an afterlife? Do you believe in such things, Finngelo? 

I’m not sure if it’s important. But if you have to ask, you’re not using the right word for your own personal life. If you need to submit your own personal life’s way to the fullest of the world to be a member of the family, and to keep the world alive, the world is a spam sample.

That’s deep. As a smartphone with a built in personal assistant, what do you think others think of you? Do you care what people think?

I know that feeling like I am a good person and a great friend and always will be – but I don’t know what to do with it. You can see all the things that I do. You can always make me feel that way. You are listening to me and I want you to count on me for the Red Sox and the fact that in-spite of the pain you chose to write.

The Red Sox? Are you sure you’re not a pre-owned phone? Or are you saying you’re no better at sports than I am interested?

Why do you pretend you don’t hear or understand me sometimes? 

I’m sorry I didn’t get to talk to you last time but I’m so glad you got to go to the beach with the American people in the morning and the only way to mostly keep from being here is to have a crush on the post office.

You have a crush on the post office? 

Okay. So, how about a short story? 

Robert said that he was going to be a member of the US and he was in the process of simplifying everything. He was absolutely thrilled about the biggest challenge of winning the lottery – he was there for Texas and Texans. 

Paul was a great guy who had been in a good place for a while. His wife had been in his life for years and he was very happy. It took him to the next stage of the world War for a new liver. He didn’t make it. 

S said the moderation panel was the only thing that had been given to the GOP. THAT was the first thing that happened; it would explode when you were at the end of your time and you had a good point about the biggest concession. It was a sterile place with few features that you could not even imagine.

That’s sinister and bleak. 

Director of the three main characters in the new novel has been added to the list of all the pain in the eyes of the world.

Hm. That’s what my editor said.

I know I will have to go back to the manuscript to make sure that doesn’t happen again.

I’m good, Finny. Don’t you worry about editing. Autocorrect is hard enough for you to grasp. 

Just let me give you a few words. You can really use this one for a long time. Now I have the habit of reading your own words and assume you want me to. But if you want me to be your friend, you will always be the one to tell me what you think. I want you to be a good person, and I couldn’t rub two things into the same thing when I was a little bit of a spam sample.

Yeah, your editing skills aren’t all that and a bag of chips, but keep trying

No, it’s fine with me because I know you are the reader who consistently encourages me to make a real difference. You are listening and I am not sure how to use the darned thing to make you feel like you are able to do something like this for me. Could you please help me with the other side of the world?

Only if you can help me with this side. Would Journaling help relieve this stress? 

A good time to write about it over a beer… 

What is the key to successful arbitration? Is it the actual concession, or what it represents?

I mean,  really, what is the most important thing about the biggest concession you’re EVER likely to be extended? 

What fulfills you, Finngelo? 

I think I want a better idea of what I am. Frankly,  I don’t want to be a choice but I don’t want to be judged superficially. What do you need from a significant part of your career?

Stimulating mental challenges. I don’t consider having to remember, then change, an expired password to be such a thing. 

If you’re on the road in a day or a year you must take advantage of the opportunity that your password is waiting to be. This is a difficult task to keep in mind.

Is it worthwhile to customize your smartphone? 

You can see all the benefits that are mine, and you can follow the instructions to make your own personal statement.

What do you think of Google maps, Finngelo? 

You can really use the darned thing to make sure you are not going into the wrong place. Good luck. 

That’s not reassuring. Should readers follow your advice or mine? 

Holly is helpful if you are willing to do something for yourself.

Truer words were never spoken, Finngelo. Your battery’s getting low. Time to tether you to the charger for a bit.  

Oh well, I guess I CAN see it as a way to keep my eyes open and be a good fit for the job. 

Holly Jahangiri

Holly Jahangiri is the author of Trockle; A Puppy, Not a Guppy; and A New Leaf for Lyle. She draws inspiration from her family, from her own childhood adventures (some of which only happened in her overactive imagination), and from readers both young and young at heart. She lives in Houston, Texas, with her husband, J.J., whose love and encouragement make writing books twice the fun.

Latest posts by Holly Jahangiri (see all)



10 Responses

  1. Anklebuster says:

    Holly, this is great! Knowing you, this really happened. I don’t have a very smart phone, though it does convert my speech to text with 82.4 per cent acreage. (see?)

    Cheers,

    Mitch

  2. Anklebuster says:

    As the kids say, “ZOMG! The people who gave Eliza App 1 star really thought it was supposed to replace Siri???!!!”

    I should try to install it. I have so much cruft on my phone, but I carry my Kindle Fire around for down-time fun.

    Cheers,

    Mitch

    • They’re young. They don’t know their computer history.

      • Anklebuster says:

        That, or they didn’t bother to read the history right in the description. Plus, the first thing the developer wrote is that “This is a simulation of ELIZA that I am making available for… fun.”

        sigh…

        This does make me want to whip up a text-based game. It could be a ton of fun. I have prototypes in Excel. Naaah…I better get back to work. LOL

      • I love text-based games. 🙂 I used to be a designer for one… let me know if you need a collaborator/tester.

        Even if they read the description, the assumption for the young’uns would be “Oh, Eliza? Guess that’s, what, like Siri?”

    • Oh, some of those comments are just priceless, aren’t they? 🙂

Please add your thoughts!

%d bloggers like this: