Generally speaking. Or it could be for coffee.
If you’re reading this over coffee, Wednesday morning, I’m jealous. I’m probably slacking off – lying on a gurney like a dead fish, enjoying a dreamless sleep, wherein that place where two children were conceived, formed, and brought forth into the world is finally retired and laid to rest. I will have not eaten solid foods in nearly two days, and will probably try to bribe you or assault you for that coffee if you bring it anywhere near my nostrils. Given my age and history of breast cancer, the surgeon will be cautious and perform additional testing for any sign of cancer before waking me up and forcing me to do hard work like walking to the bathroom on my own and trying not to make embarrassing typos under the influence of Vicodin. No one expects to discover that I have regained the “poster child advantage” when it comes to raising funds for Relay for Life, but the fact that they’re doing additional testing is a sobering reminder that things can change in the blink of an eye.
A Few Questions to Ponder
I’ll be looking for your answers in the comments just as soon as I’ve exchanged a womb for a room, so ponder and posit while I’m out:
- Why is it easier to say “breasts” and “boobs” in public than to say “uterus” or “cervix”? Or, “penis” or “anus,” for that matter. It’s times like this that I feel doubly sorry for Farah Fawcett. Not that there’s ever really a good way to go, but some are unnecessarily hard to talk about.
- Ladies: Have you had your pap smears and mammograms? If not, call now – make an appointment. Slamming your boobs in the refrigerator door doesn’t count.
Guys: No snickering – you are so not off the hook. We women can’t get prostate cancer, but did you know that men can get breast cancer?
And everyone over the age of 50 should have a colonoscopy – I lost a dear friend to colon cancer a few years ago, about two months after she was diagnosed.
- Are we taking bets on how long it’ll be before I’m back online? I’ve already checked; the hospital has wireless in all the patient rooms. In most of the impatient ones, too, they assure me.
- Will you donate to my Relay for Life fundraising campaign, pretty please? I’d love to wake up, log on, and see a whole slew of emails in my inbox with the subject line: “A donation was made toward your goal”!
Yes, it’s an ambitious goal. Don’t let me down – you know how weirdly competitive I am. Do you know how embarrassing it is to come in third to golf and bowling?
- Why is hospital food almost universally awful, and will this be any different? I don’t know – this will be my first visit to this particular hospital. (Hey, they’re next door to P.F. Chang’s – I wonder if I could get someone to bring me chicken noodle soup for lunch? Okay, maybe dinner, but still…don’t hospitals know that “bland, flavorless, and has the consistency of soggy cardboard” saps a person’s will to live?)
- D is for…? Help me out, here, guys – I have a post to write for tomorrow. This is your brain on Vicodin: ask;fdj8yu8pu45r@#$RRGH!!!
Seriously, comment, please! It’s your turn to entertain me. 😉 See you online later – tonight, with any luck! And I’m dead serious about P.F. Chang’s Chicken Noodle Soup. Hover over that link for the password, if you’re brave enough to read the post.
Latest posts by HollyJahangiri (see all)
- A Brand New Blog with a Fresh Perspective! - September 15, 2017
- If We Were Having Coffee, I’d Tell You to #WriteBravely… - August 12, 2017
- A Taste of Home for the Next Generation (Interview with Sapna Anu George) - August 9, 2017