It’s a little dysfunctional, this business of killing off my blog once or twice a year, just so I can revive it.
I love a challenge.
But I loathe dishonesty. The fact is, it has taken me nearly two decades to grudgingly agree with a blog post I read in the late 1990s, likening blogging to self-indulgent, introspective navel-gazing. The thought that skipped right past that conclusion and onto the bullet train to blogging burnout was, “Who the hell wants to read the lint-pickings from my bellybutton?” They were so deadly dull, so repetitive, I didn’t even want to expend the energy to type them up, anymore. Commentary on the newsworthy events of the day? Not really in the mood to sprinkle outrage like salt, chew memes, and regurgitate logic, today. I blew 20,000,000 invisible BTUs into my imaginary hot air balloon and drifted away, leaving the sky to the professional commentators.
Depression is an insidious, creeping thing with tendrils that take hold in a brain like ivy on crumbling, stucco walls. In my case, it’s more like root rot than drama. There’s nothing “wrong.” Honestly. It’s not a deep, dark howling abyss. Just a rusted give-a-damn missing a crank shaft, or something. It growls, but refuses to roar back to life. I’m bored of myself. I’m bored of people. Not you, Dear Reader – I could never tire of you. But I am oh-so-weary of that amorphous, amoeba-like entity known as “people.” And I cannot escape its gel-like pull; I, too, am “people.” A bit of goo, just helping to hold the whole intact, no more or less interesting than the rest of the goo. But to write, a writer needs to see the individuals drops in all their iridescent glory – to be able to pull the sweet and brittle threads from the thick-headed mass like a candy maker.
But I don’t want to turn up the flame, either.
And oddly, I can be a very happy depressed person. I’ve been having a fun year, so far. A really good year! Maybe it’s just my “Muse” who’s depressed. Or pouting. Feeling neglected and ignored. “Don’t feel like writing? Fine. See if I care. No words for you.” She sulks in the corner, plucking cobwebs from her scowl.
“Whatever.” I revel in the silence. I listen to other people’s music.
“You could make shit up with the best of them,” she whispers, sucking a spider’s toes.
“If I were evil…”
“No, no, no.” She stands, her red hair flaming. “It’s only fiction that lets us tell the real truths,.” Green eyes flashing, she extends a hand and offers me a spider.
“Shhhh,” I hiss, stepping back. “I just want to lie a while.”
“Suit yourself. If you can.” She pops the spider into her mouth, and I hear the unmistakable crunch of words.
A WhatsApp conversation between Write Tribers about the need to kick start our sluggish blogs led to Ishieta saying that our blogs have become Zombies. Which in turn led to my suggesting a “Revive the Zombie Blog” challenge. Corinne suggested the prompt ‘6 Months in 2019 and I…’ and we knew that we had to act fast, before the shambling horde devoured our resolve. There are 24 of us participating, and it will be spread over 3 days – 17, 18, 19 June 2019. You’ll begin to see the links, below, as new posts are added.
I did not feel like doing a retrospective on my 2019 resolutions, and so I began work on a short story that’s been flapping its tiny wings against the inside of my skull for a while.
I’m glad the revive the zombie blog challenge is on . I too felt there was some kind of stillness in our tribe
At least we have a tribe. 😊 Might’ve been a long, lonely rattling about, otherwise!
Blogs are free offerings. I take what I get, gratefully.
I’ve been reposting, with updates, some of my older posts (since I have 500+ posts), for people who didn’t even follow me back then – not everyone feels like digging through archives like me.
Curated, of course. Not posting all of them, but it still takes some time, because I have to read through them, pick one which seems still viable, and bring it to date.
I’m getting back into finishing the second book of my mainstream trilogy, Pride’s Children, and there is so much social life at our new permanent digs that it’s actually taxing, so there isn’t a lot of time for new posts.
Maybe you could update some old ones, too.
That’s a good way of looking at it, Alicia. I could recycle (have, on occasion!) but as Damyanti pointed out, that’s the writer I was a year or more ago.
I want to move forward (mostly). To start being the writer I want to be a year from now.
Yes, I should try to revive my zombie blog as well….it seems trying to squeeze out a monthly post for the Blood-Red Pencil is about all my brain can handle, and I’m tardy on that one for this month. Stuck on regular writing too…so I’ve tried a few short stories to submit to anthologies. Boy, when we hit a wall, we hit it hard!
Isn’t that the truth? Feels like we should have bloodied foreheads or something. Feel free to drop your links in comments here, Pat. (It’s a privilege granted anyone who is real and leaves REAL comments.) I’m also hoping to write something worth submitting somewhere, soon, but have to break out of the doldrums here, first.
Holly,did you get into my head? Or did your muse and mine meet to grumble about us? You have put into words exactly what I have been feeling which is why I am so happy about this revive the zombie blog challenge.
Perhaps I did. And maybe that’s another story… 🙂 I’m glad we’re not alone in this. It’s good to have a tribe.