Greetings and Happy Holidays from InstaJail™
(“Just Add Water!”)
I am on a three-day ban from posting or commenting (I can still send suggestive DMs and tiny heart emojis), presumably because I followed too many authors and wished them “Happy holidays!” too quickly. I’m sure I’d told them all to buy Bitcoin or fuck off, it would have been allowed.
Well, dear @Instagram, joke’s on you – I can type faster than you can review my bitter complaint to the Help Desk, which I am guessing is located somewhere in the Himalayan hinterlands where everyone is fast asleep or applying for job openings at the North Pole.
Speaking of those openings, I hope that Santa isn’t advertising on LinkedIn, unless he’s serious about it being a very white Christmas. They operate under a thin veneer of professional respectability, but they do little to discourage imposter accounts and plagiarists masquerading as “influencers.”
P.S. In all seriousness…
Surely, by now, we all know there are good reasons to #DeleteFacebook, right? Like the imminent downfall of civilization as we know it (or maybe just the creation of uncivilization as it currently stands). Supposedly, Facebook whistleblower’s testimony could finally spark action in Congress (but I wouldn’t hold my breath).
Facebook and the other big, commercial social media platforms are just calling our bluff; they always have and will until they gasp their last. But they are about as “necessary” to our lives as cocaine, booze, or cigarettes and maybe more addictive and harmful, at that. Why do we stay? Because we’re addicts. We blame each other – “Because family and friends!” and “I’d leave, but then I’d lose touch with my grandkids!” and of course Facebook exploits the fact that we are the worst sort of enablers, all of us.
I’ve tried to leave, more than once, with less success than I had in quitting smoking. I’ve been smoke free since 2006, but damned if I could stick to my guns when it came to Facebook. Believe me, I am not standing here preaching at you with an air of superiority. WE have a problem.
Well Played, Facebook is about “that time Facebook tried to strong-arm me into installing their malware on my PC, but I took the jail sentence, instead, and made new friends.” See also:
- Facebook forced me to download their anti-malware, and my own antivirus gets knocked out
- Facebook forcing users to download stupid malware removal tools
- Facebook Randomly Forcing Users To Download Anti-Virus Software
Ash Wednesday: Observing Lent from a Secular Perspective is less about “observing Lent” than it is about “that time I reported actual kiddy porn on Facebook, only to be told (repeatedly) that ‘This does not violate our Community Standards.'” After a dozen friends reported it and got the same response, I could only conclude that Facebook’s “community standards” are the stuff scraped from the bottom of your shoe after a stumble through the dog park, or the murky depths of a cesspool. So don’t lecture me about compliance with “community standards,” Facebook, when you’ve set the bar so incredibly low.
We must enjoy being treated like Facebook’s lab rats. Click that previous sentence for scores of scholarly articles on Facebook’s psychological experiments, conducted on their users without their users’ knowledge or consent. Yet here we are. Still. They should at least pay us or feed us little treats – even Pavlov’s dogs and Skinner’s pigeons got little treats.
“Facebook published the results of a 2012 study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences. Unbeknown to users, Facebook had tampered with the news feeds of nearly 700,000 people, showing them an abnormally low number of either positive or negative posts. The experiment aimed to determine whether the company could alter the emotional state of its users.” They’ve been at it since at least 2012, and there’s no sign they have any intention of ceasing to manipulate millions of people until they are forced to stop.
As Rhett said to Scarlett O’Hara, Facebook and its ilk “are like the thie[ves] who [aren’t] the least bit sorry [they] stole, but [are] terribly, terribly sorry [they’re] going to jail.”
Which Social Media Site Is the Most Ethical? Let’s hope none of them break an arm patting themselves on the back. Because I’d argue that none of them dare claim bragging rights to being the “most ethical.” They could all do better. LinkedIn operates under a veneer of professional respectability, but they have as many imposters, trolls, bullies, plagiarists, and superficial “influencers” as any other social media platform. Their attempts at automated content moderation are as misguided and ham-fisted as any other.
Meanwhile, on most of these platforms, attempts to call out real wrong-doing or engage in real conversations are often infuriatingly (or hilariously) met with seemingly random “suspensions” and bans. Beware – if you’re staying on these platforms to keep in touch with family or friends, or to operate your legitimate business, you could be shut down without notice or recourse, because review of these actions by real humans possessed of common sense is nearly impossible to obtain. Despite them all giving lip-service to their desire to be more inclusive and “welcoming.”
Note, too, that if you report inappropriate content on LinkedIn, you’d best get a screen capture first. Because they will keep it on the site; they’ll just hide it from you (you little “snowflake”) so you don’t have to be offended by it. They won’t actually address the problem, in other words. But then, when they tell you it doesn’t go against their “community standards,” and you request an appeal, they’ll ask for your email address (which of course they already have, right?) and the URL of the offensive content, which they have conveniently hidden so that you can’t find it again.
Yeah. Happy holidays, everyone!