\u201cI see. And what do they have to do with cleaning the lake?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe hire them. They travel across the States, cleaning up the lakes after they thaw. It\u2019s a long way, you know. Just outside Johnstown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cPygmies, just outside Johnstown.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYes,\u201d I said, warming to my story. \u201cThey camp out on the side of the lake. They\u2019re vegetarians, you see. They like the algae. It\u2019s sort of a, a delicacy to them.\u201d\u00a0Eeewwww.<\/em>\u00a0Sometimes my imagination runs away with me. I pictured little brown-skinned men and women, about four-feet tall, munching clumps of algae dripping with duck droppings. Seasoning, you might say. \u201cIt\u2019s actually quite nutritious. In fact, they don\u2019t charge us a cent. We could probably charge them for the meal, but it works out to everyone\u2019s benefit this way.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI see,\u201d said Mrs. Brown, nodding earnestly.<\/p>\n Oh, give it up already. Aren\u2019t you tired of playing \u2018humor the twelve-year-old\u2019?<\/em>\u00a0I thought. Adults can be such dorks. \u201cThere are plenty of lakes around here. By the end of spring, they\u2019ve had their fill.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhere do they go then? What do they do the rest of the year?\u201d<\/p>\n Oh, so glad you asked.<\/em>\u00a0\u201cWhy, they go back to the Alleghenies and, um,\u201d I thought hard. \u201cThey hibernate.\u201d Oh, right. She\u2019d call me on that for sure. Pygmies are people. People don\u2019t hibernate.<\/p>\n \u201cReally? All winter long?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, all winter. You know, they travel by foot. Won\u2019t have anything to do with cars or planes or trucks or anything. After gorging themselves on algae and marching back to the mountains, they\u2019re exhausted. It\u2019s all they can do to digest all that food. Did you know that it takes seven months to digest a pound of algae?\u201d I improvised.<\/p>\n \u201cNo! I had no idea. That\u2019s fascinating. Thank you for telling me all this. It\u2019s amazing, the things I learn every day\u2026\u201d Mrs. Brown shooed me out of the house. If I couldn\u2019t swim, I could at least ride my bike or play in the sunshine. It wasn\u2019t healthy for a growing child to be cooped up indoors all day, with nothing but a thick book for company. I slipped a book under my sweater, anyway, before slipping out the back door. I read under the apple tree until dinnertime.<\/p>\n A few nights later, we went out to dinner, my parents and I, with Mr. and Mrs. Brown. Mr. Brown was a business associate of Dad\u2019s. I\u2019d forgotten all about the ridiculous pygmy story, until Mrs. Brown began eagerly telling it to her husband. Mr. Brown looked at her as if she\u2019d sprouted a second head and a third eye. My mother looked at me, and I began to slide under the table in the vain hope of disappearing. \u201cYou didn\u2019t\u2013\u201c my mother began.<\/p>\n \u201cYou didn\u2019t!\u201d my father said, trying to look stern as he politely stifled a giggle for the Browns\u2019 benefit.<\/p>\n I nodded silently, trying to look contrite.<\/p>\n Secrecy is the one thing the villagers had always promised the pygmies, and I had violated the contract.\u00a0You see, they are a very private people, those pygmies\u2026<\/em><\/p>\n *Disclaimer:<\/strong>\u00a0Names have been changed to protect the gullible and the not-so-innocent. Any resemblance to persons living or dead is\u2026well, not meant to be insulting or embarrassing. Truly. Hi there.\u00a0 Author\u2019s Note:\u00a0<\/strong>Honesty is very important to me. Both of my kids know that just about the only thing that makes me really angry \u2013 see red and snort like a bull enraged \u2013 is dishonesty. Lying, cheating, stealing, sneaking \u2013 all manifestations of the same basic character flaw. But honest to G-d, if someone\u2019s going to be this gullible\u2026 No, really, mea culpa. I\u2019m sorry. No I\u2019m not. There are three times in life when it\u2019s acceptable to lie:<\/em><\/p>\n ** Updated 2021<\/strong>: It is deeply disturbing, to me, the number of people who believe this story, despite my disclaimers and the obvious fact that this could not possibly be true. I have received urgent pleas from the Allegheny Mountain Ecotourism Board to update this and inform you that it is truly<\/em> fiction – please, please<\/em> stop trampling the natural surroundings looking for the indigenous peoples described herein. They existed only in the imagination of my 12-year-old self. You absolutely will not find them at 40.340345, -78.918745<\/a> (last known sighting); after all, it’s spring time and they’re foraging\u2014I mean, they’re fiction<\/strong>.<\/p>\n
\n![\";)\"](\"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/s1.wp.com\/wp-includes\/images\/smilies\/icon_wink.gif?w=780\"){kind=icon}
<\/em><\/p>\n\n
\n
\n