I’ve enjoyed social media since the 1980s. Facebook is not the first, nor likely will it be the last, platform to blaze into existence and flame out in a spectacular crash. Or maybe with a slow and whiny-sounding whimper. There is no perfect platform. There is no platform run by perfect people. The world is not inhabited, let alone run by, perfect people. There is no cure for this; humanity will cause its own extinction before we learn to put into practice the aspirational words: “We are better than this.” We could be, but we – not you, of course, but we, as a species – are not. The planet will not miss us any more than we miss Tyrannosaurus Rex.
Meanwhile, we could try to make life just a little easier, happier, and more fun for ourselves and each other.
What gets me is the tired-but-true refrain: “I only stay on Facebook because it’s the only way I have to keep in touch with family and friends.” How unutterably sad. Most of the people saying this have lived long enough to remember a time before Facebook. A time that involved a physical address book, a copy of The White Pages, telephones that were tethered to a wall, paper and envelopes and stamps, along with the occasional in-person visit. How did we let Facebook – of all the – how did it become all those things, to the point where we fear losing the people we care most about if we leave it?
I think there’s a nagging realization that most of those people wouldn’t even notice if we disappeared, let alone come looking for us. So we stay so that maybe they will keep in touch with us.
Recently, I created a Facebook Exodus Contact Form and posted it three separate times on my Facebook profile. Out of 2090 Facebook Friends, 20 filled it out and gave me some or all of their contact info so that we could keep in touch if Facebook disappears – or we do. I sent them mine, in return. Missed it? Go look for it; I don’t have many posts left on my profile, so if you’re a friend there, it’ll take you two seconds to find it. I have been on many platforms in the past that simply shut down overnight, and rebuilding your network is hard when the platform is the only place you store your friends’ info.
This is not, “Oh, woe is me, only twenty people are actually my friends and cared enough to send me their email addresses!” Facebook doesn’t want us to connect off Facebook. In the name of “privacy,” they allow you to sync your contacts on your phone – but just try to save them anywhere! It can’t be done. This is good and bad. They know we only stay to keep in touch, and they like holding a monopoly on the ability to do that.
Not Jumping on the “Leaving Facebook” Train, Although…
I do think it’s funny that “how do I delete facebook” is trending, and in a fit of frustration, last night, I typed “how the hell do I” and Google helpfully supplied “…delete facebook” to the end of that. I did delete my author page, there. It was only bringing in spammers, scammers, and phishermen anyway. Zuckerberg thinks it’s all just “virtue signaling.” What virtue? The folks staying think their business depends on Meta. Or that their friends won’t bother to move elsewhere or bother to keep in touch with them.
‘Virtue signaling’: Zuckerberg responds to Facebook user exodus reports | Watch
Aw, sweetie, no. He hasn’t seen what happened to Twitter or – hell, what was that other Facebook clone’s name?? – or… Yeah, never mind.
I deleted 99% of my Facebook content from 2007 to today. Why? I don’t know – it wasn’t exactly “evergreen.” And I guess I’m tired of building rich kids’ platform “content” for free. But I started slowly deleting things this last summer, and Facebook Memories keeps demonstrating that Facebook doesn’t honor its own Terms of Service. Or… technically, I guess their terms of service are intentionally confusing and they will never, ever let your stuff go:
3. Deleting Your Content: You can delete individual content you share, post, and upload at any time. In addition, all content posted to your personal account will be deleted if you delete your account. Learn more about how to delete your account. Account deletion does not automatically delete content that you post as an admin of a page or content that you create collectively with other users, such as photos in Shared Albums which may continue to be visible to other album members.
It may take up to 90 days to delete content after we begin the account deletion process or receive a content deletion request. If you send content to trash, the deletion process will automatically begin in 30 days unless you chose to delete the content sooner. While the deletion process for such content is being undertaken, the content is no longer visible to other users. After the content is deleted, it may take us up to another 90 days to remove it from backups and disaster recovery systems.
If that were true, then Facebook Memories would not be showing me ten-year-old posts that I deleted last year, some of which should have been gone entirely by mid-October 2024. But then, the above provisions are followed by the “We’ll delete your stuff on our own timetable, sucker, and the license you granted us is forever” provision.
Content will not be deleted within 90 days of the account deletion or content deletion process beginning in the following situations:
- where your content has been used by others in accordance with this license and they have not deleted it (in which case this license will continue to apply until that content is deleted);
- where deletion within 90 days is not possible due to technical limitations of our systems, in which case, we will complete the deletion as soon as technically feasible; or
- where immediate deletion would restrict our ability to:
- investigate or identify illegal activity or violations of our terms and policies (for example, to identify or investigate misuse of our Products or systems);
- protect the safety, integrity, and security of our Products, systems, services, our employees, and users, and to defend ourselves;
- comply with legal obligations for the preservation of evidence, including data Meta Companies providing financial products and services preserve to comply with any record keeping obligations required by law; or
- comply with a request of a judicial or administrative authority, law enforcement or a government agency;
in which case, the content will be retained for no longer than is necessary for the purposes for which it has been retained (the exact duration will vary on a case-by-case basis).
In each of the above cases, this license will continue until the content has been fully deleted.
I hope the sheer volume of clutter and cat videos chokes their servers.
I was put in “Facebook Jail” yesterday – yes, again. First, it was “for 24 hours,” meaning I shouldn’t be out yet. Then, when I looked again this morning, this ban had been lifted without explanation. None of it shows up in my Support Inbox – which supposedly contains a record of all your past infractions, both real and imaginary. In all the years I’ve been on Facebook (since 2007), I will plead no contest to only one incident that landed me in “Facebook Jail” for supposedly inciting violence – that time, shortly after the start of the psychopathic invasion of Ukraine by a hostile nation that I suggested a certain murderous dictator needed the swift application of a cast-iron frying pan to the face. Oooooh, too violent – must not anger the oligarchs and overlords. We writers are clever little bunnies, though: “a spa day featuring the vigorous application of a facial with a cast-iron culinary implement” is a fine workaround.
An “iffy” one was the time I was in a hurry – another writer was discussing “ladies’ guns” and I posted a link to a place selling – get this: PINK paisley printed handguns. I wasn’t suggesting anyone buy one, nor would I have earned a commission on it if they did, but suddenly Facebook thinks I’m an arms dealer, rather than a woman ridiculing a PINK paisley printed handgun.
That said, how insulting and embarrassing would it be for some big, burly gun-lover to be shot in the face by a little woman wielding a PINK paisley handgun? Well, I learned my lesson – I won’t be asking that over on Facebook.
Alice Gerard writes:
In the past I have been put in facebook jail for:1. quoting a fairy tale2. quoting Ebenezer Scrooge (at Christmas time)Some of my links to my blog have been taken down because they were “spam.” Facebook really especially didn’t like my blog post about butterflies. That link was removed more than once.Facebook has restricted me from “liking” posts because I “liked” too many posts, mostly while I was asleep, apparently.Facebook doesn’t remove actual spam and ignores reports.I am still on facebook, however, because I communicate with a lot of people that way.Despite the atrocious moderation!
So yesterday’s infraction that landed me in “Facebook Jail” was posting a link (buried in a comment) to the lyrics to (not the YouTube video of!) Amanda Palmer’s “Map of Tasmania.” (NSFW – do not click at work!) Whatever. It’s 14 years old and I probably first saw it on Facebook a decade ago. In the grand scheme of crap Facebook allows and claims “does not violate [their] Terms of Service,” this is just laughable.
I should have been keeping score (and I know that some of you reading this think I have been, but that would’ve been exhausting, don’t you think?) of all the reasons to leave Facebook. The “we’re not gonna fact-check things anymore” isn’t even in the Top 20. Who believed that they were doing that, in the first place?? Here are just a few of the things that make my personal list:
- Researcher apologizes for Facebook study in emotional manipulation – CBS News
- Facebook Calls Police On BBC After Reporters Flagged Child Porn – CBS San Francisco (and my own experience with this: Ash Wednesday: Observing Lent from a Secular Perspective | Holly Jahangiri – contains a few overlaps and a few additional reasons for needing a temporary OR permanent break from Facebook)
- Facebook forced me to download their anti-malware, and my own antivirus gets knocked out (and my post, with updated URL, that he references here: Well Played, Facebook! | Holly Jahangiri)
And bonus – here’s why I don’t even care that they’re removing their supposed “fact checkers” because they were not worth spit in the first place: I’m Confused by Facebook’s “Fact Checkers” | Holly Jahangiri
Anyway, considering that I will never again give Facebook direct access to a valid financial instrument, nor run ads, nor buy anything through a Facebook ad (do not get me started on how little they care about outright fraud and scams run there as “ads”), I’m just a drain on their resources and they may just kick me off one of these days. Till then, I’ll probably stick around and see which of us outlasts the other. I’m sure there’s no love lost, either way.
I plan to spend more time on my offline writing and this website, too. As Jack Yan observes: Facebook fooled us into thinking we were being creative (I would add “politically active” or “influential” or whatever other illusory thing it is we feel when that Facebook dopamine hit kicks in).
But if we’re Facebook Friends, go find my little link on my Facebook page (sorry, spammers, it’s “Friends only” like all the rest of my posts, these days). I’d love to stay in touch!
I just signed off from LinkedIn. I’m using Facebook only for my blog for now! Not sure what to do. Whatsapp is a way of life in India and it’s hard to get off.
I know. I don’t have answers. Just a desire to be more intentional about social media use and reevaluate periodically. None of these platforms are perfect or trustworthy over time.
No judgement here!
Couldn’t agree more, Holly.
I’m still on facebook for my blog! I agree, It is important to be mindful and intentional about how we use social media! Not sure how many of us are doing that at the moment, but, I think we do need to reflect upon that and remind ourselves if we really must be on social media at all.
Some food for thought!!
I think most of us are being a bit lazy. We are ENABLERS of the things we criticize about social media. We are the PRODUCT, and I don’t know that the trade-off (our privacy for the aggravations of the platform) are a fair trade, especially in the long run. But there we are.
Facebook and Whatapp are the places I get most of my readers from. I also use my posts to market my courses and in India it works. I don’t post very often though, I mainly consume what other people post in the various groups, so I guess that’s why FB leaves me alone.
I’m glad it’s working for you, Sunita.
Personally, I have no beef with social media and use it primarily for blog promotions, but I also have a group of online friends from a defunct forum that I interact with on Facebook. We’ve known each other for 15 years! In addition, there are several groups I belong to there and plan to continue on. I’m pretty sure you have my contact information from the previous time you did this, but I will find your Facebook post and add it again. Happy Trails!
P..S. I see you’re back on Substack. I haven’t done much there, but did re-subscribe to your newsletter.
Yes, I still have all the info from “the last time I did this” – from the very few people who filled out my form. 🙂 (If you mean that time I said “You MIGHT get snail mail one day, but no promises”?) LOL I still have those postcards. I should send them!
Yes, I restarted Substack. I’m assuming you got my personal email and explanation. I won’t go into it here. Let’s just say that it’s currently the lesser of a number of evils. A lot of people were migrating to Bluesky but those who don’t know how to effectively use Starter Packs, Lists, and Moderation features (which ARE being abused, but mostly are just leading to unintended consequences when others blindly follow and “Block All”) are finding it frustrating to get off the ground.
Well I’m easy to find. As are you, Debbie. I don’t think we’ll lose touch. 🙂
Ah, the social media conundrum is real! I’m pretty tied into Meta platforms at this point, even though I grew up without computers or the internet. I use Facebook only for blogging groups and for 1 group that’s related to a course I’m in. I don’t do anything else there. But What’s App and Instagram — those I do use quite a bit {though my IG usage is dropping a bit. I’m still in two minds about reviving my art account or letting it die a slow death. I don’t really sell anything, but IG was a great way to share my work. That seems to be broken now, though, since IG seems to push larger “creators” and influencers or ads more than regular Joes.}.
I left Facebook 3 years ago because of content suppression and other shenanigans, and don’t miss it. I’m still using Instagram and WhatsApp. I’m happy to see you blogging again – I love your posts.
Ahh, but you know me – the day I LEAVE, I’ll have to leave all of Meta, not just Facebook. Until I am prepared to do that, I might as well keep all of them. It’s the company and its “leadership,” not the specific platform/technology that I have issues with. As for the users, they are just people and PEOPLE are everywhere – I think you’ll find the same percentages of “good” and “bad” reflected on social media as exist offline, but some platforms will have better moderation (be it trained moderators, user reporting mechanisms and response, or AI). And you know I’m still convinced that most of the AI oopses are just that – oopses. Not really deliberate offenses so much as an overreaching attempt to do the right thing badly.
Oh, I do get the irony that I still use those apps, believe me. And that other platforms also suppress content – it’s kind of a “pick your poison” situation for now.
First, I stay on Facebook for the relatives I’m connected to on Dad’s side of the family. I haven’t seen any of them in 18 years, but I’m connected to a lot of them. I’m also connected to a lot of people I went to college with; I don’t see me leaving there any time soon.
I did delete Threads after the short 8-day boycott, which I only took for 6 days. I’m now only one FB and Instagram… Insta because I’ve always loved looking at pictures, and I love those baby and little kids reels. 🙂
For now, I’m good with being on those two platforms, but I’m putting it in the back of my mind that one day I just might leave, and I won’t say goodbye… and probably won’t be missed.
I’d miss you.
If I didn’t have several other ways to contact you.
Slack works wonders, doesn’t it? 😀
For now, yes.
Always have redundant backups.
I use Facebook primarily for blogging, not to keep in touch with friends and family, and I rarely post anything personal on my profile.
The real issue is that we all started using social media without understanding how it would affect us. Looking back, I can confidently say that when I joined Facebook over a decade ago, I never considered how my data would be handled. We weren’t digitally aware, yet we dove in without any limits. It’s as if we unknowingly played right into the hands of the tech giants.
That wasn’t our ignorance. It was an error in trusting the people running the tech. In thinking they wouldn’t change the terms in secret or change things that should legally be opt-in to opt-out.
I got locked out of my old FB account because I forgot my password and they tried various ways to ‘help’ me get back in. But it failed. So I left it at that. Then the year before last, when I decided to participate in the April A to Z blogging challenge, I created a new account and have since been sharing only my blog posts and artwork. Nothing personal. Not even my photos. Also, I don’t want very many ‘friends’ as the few I have can be contacted over the phone. But, you are so right. FB can be a monster. And so can IG. Once, I read a book on, ahem, ‘The Man’ from Germany (I hope you know who I mean?) and I shared the book’s cover pic on IG. They deleted it. Okay, I am not at all his fan, but it was just a book. Don’t people share worse things on IG? Why doesn’t all that trash get deleted?
Anyway, ever since, I have tried to be verrryyy careful what I share on FB and IG.
And, Holly, I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post. VIsiting here after ages!